pangalawa, tang***ng mga pictures yan! hindi na maburabura!

pangatlo, antagal na nun, hindi pa mawalawala!

bwiset!

burn blog ba to!?

no!

becse its her that i want to burn!
 

me: you like my friends nho????
hb: may masama ba don??
me:wala...
hb:yun namn pla e...

FYI: Honda Boy was my Ex bf!!

I don't really know why I kept on thinking sbout things which should not bother me anyway!!
ya, so he was my ex and he wants to hit onmy girls!! am i just jealous or is it really wrong?? was it just a childish thingy that you want somebody else's attention all for your self though you know you don't own that person.

How come he's so insensitive. I HATE HIM. 

another thing...

I don't really know which honda boi i would be lookinh at now. would it be the honda boi that i have with me now or the one that i used to have?? It seems like he has woven a lot of lies that i can no longer tell which is which.

I HATE YOU HONDA BOI!!!

YOU ARE A LIAR!!

isusumbong kita kay cheska!!! 

some people say that they just cannot express hpw they feel... is true?? or is it just an excuse for not saying the things that they CANNOT say... 

i MISS YOU, There's no better way to say it.

Missing some one, a feeling that i hate, a feeling that I choose to avoid but then again it just won't go away.
I feel terrible when i miss______, specially when i remember all the good times that we had. 
I wonder how missing someone could be so painful and how come it affects people so much?/
Has it got to do with presence or essence of that person in your life??
Does it have to be so painful?/ but why?/

What i really hate actually when you miss someone is when you think you actually saw them but you know deep down that they're no longer around and it's impossible to see them again. Another thing I hate, when you think you've heard them speak through other people, because they say exactly the same words. LAst but certainly not the least, when you ache too much to touch; to feel that person.

Missing is just so painful.

so what's with the item... i always find words to describe how i feel but not today... i'm perfectly creating a sense less clutters of words and i sure don't know why... okay i'll do my best to describe this whole new world i'm in right now.

its along the España blvd. the road that leads from Morayta to Welcome-Rotonda. It's one of the streets in front of the ust that is named Moret. It is Moret st. corner España blvd. Going inside this street is a food house and a boarding house. It is a known tambayan for the musicians, artists and devils or perhaps angels too. 
In this little food house is a very dynamic world. One that is detached from the world outside. Why? Because it has its own aura and beauty it can even make people forget about the life thAT THEY LIVE WHEN THEY ARE OUTSIDE MORET.  this food house and boaring house is called MAHJING. 
So how does it look like? well its not realy a house though its more of a three storey building that is divided in to three MAHJING is located at the rightmost corner of the entire building. . Then,  there is a veranda in front of the house that is three steps higher from the ground meaning there is a little stairs to climb, it serves as the smoking area. In this area there are four tables of unequal sizes one is larger than the other or vise versa. this  is the veranda of memories or so I would call it. Why? Because in this area poepe get to talk and here different stories, share laughters and tears and for some it is their sanctuary. Yes, a sanctuary.

bakit kapag wala ka ng masabi sa mga pangyayari ang tangi monalang nagagwa ay ang magbuntong hininga. i really hate it... i feel so much pain and disappointment... i hate it when they lie..

so i'm back...

 i don't really know what'd happening but it causes me no sleep and all think in the night a bit of heavyness in my chest and a bit of tears in the eyes.

it all started August 5, it was my friend's girl's day and i was invited so i came there without any clue that after that nigt life would never be the same.

I met... let's just say CONSTANTINE. I met constantine and spend the night with him in his car. i thought he would be just an ordinary friend but that night proved it all wrong.

he became more than a friend to ME>

i happen to love CONSTANTINE who happens to have his HEAVEN.

i don'e really know the power of kiss untill that night. i don't really care if its right or wrongthat time because it only felt right and good. 

how i wish i didn't do that. but then there's no use crying over spilled milks and at one point "ginusto ko din naman yun" mahirap lang bitawan dahil nahulog na ko nung biglang nagbago ang isip nya and decided to just leave it where it was. 

And that is like hell. OUCH to the bone. 

i never really thought that it would happen to me. You love someone who's in love with someone else and the DAMnation part is... I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!! KERIDA... i have become to put it bluntly.. athird party to be exact.

now the waters have become so cold.

i won't try the ocean anymore, i've frozen in the river.

Minsan, sa kalaliman ng gabi... napaisip ako, bakit hindi nalang ginawang programmable ni God ang utak ng tao?? i mean... how come a people cannot choose which memories he wants to remember??? why does he have to bear the thoughts of unhappy incidents and unwanted memories. Memories that were there only to cause tears and give pain and make people regret??? bakit di nalang ba pwede na dahil ayaw nya  maalala eh hindi na nya maiisip??? hindi pwedeng ganun na lng?? i might as well quote mr. ferdi for saying memories are your worst enemies!! and he's right... oh so right... because just when someone thought that it is all over that's the time that the memories starts to creep you back again... why do memories exist?? how come we cant choose which ones are we to keep??? is it really something that a human should have?? may be not??? because if God wanted to he can just erase it all... i know sme would be saying that there is good in bad?? but can one really think of the good in the bad when one is suffering and in pain?? HELL NOT!!! they say that there is always a beautiful day after the rain?? but while there is rain will someone really look forward to that shiny and beautiful day?? NO! the person will probably be out screaming and telling the rain to simply stop pouring!!  but even the rain won't stop unless God says so... Oh God help me undersatnd your will...

i wonder how far could a word like "hi" go?? i never actully cared... but then.. loking back when i was still just an ordinary face in his crowd it made sense to me..

it is a wonderful day of course until tonight. why? because i saw him... who?? the only guy who made me cry for 4 consecutive nights and sisin't even bother how i was. or perhaps i should thank him for doing that... because it would definitely sink the blade even deeper if he would care about me... so thank you.. but then... just a few minutes ago i was laughing and wasn't thinking of him... not even bothered by his memories but now.. i don't really know... i really don't know... it has been 4 days and it ia a s if it only happened yesterday... it is very mysterious how an incident not even lasting a five minute talk could open such a wound in someones heart. i've been trying my best to move on and make thin gs the way they used to be before he even came and gave me promises of love and all the affection when i know he  cannot fulfill it at all... i beleived every word he said... yes every word... i always beleived that i am a strong young l;ady and i hopr i am still. i don't know how long this pain will last but i definitely wish that it  will be over soon and that he won't come back anymore and that i stop loving him.. help me Lord... i've made a mistake again...